Fear...?

There are certain instances in my life where I feel as if I do not know what direction my life should be taking. It feels as if hundreds upon hundreds of tasks are either placed upon my shoulders or I have voluntarily placed onto my list of responsibilities.

Yesterday was the first time that I had ever denied a task from a member of my family. My father wanted to give me a task last night that I simply could not have done. The task itself was rather simple but even so, I could not do it. I was at the point of saturation, the point where I simply could handle no more tasks. It's just sad that the person who I had to deny would be my father. I really wish to help him, I really want to be that "good eldest son of the family," but I simply could not realistically do it without sacrificing the big project for International Business that I was typing up. It was a sad reality to be facing, but my father understood; I'm so glad he did.

So which is the right way to go? There are so many options for me! Which is the right way? If I choose to go down one path, will the other path be closed to me forever? Should I study to become a lawyer and allow the prospects for a degree in International Business go down the drain? Do I have the capacity to do both? What about working during law school? Should I try to acquire a part time position at the general accounting department at the university while going for a three year jurist doctorate degree?

Perhaps I should just accept the fact that there are certain things that answer to no logic. There are simply actions that one takes which have no logical explanations, right? It's like the question of why one likes one color over the other or one ice cream flavor over the other. Is blue superior to red and Vanilla superior to Chocolate?

Sometimes, there simply are no answers, and that's one of the things I fear most. Or as one of my good friends just said, "life is random," to which I added: " and random is scary!"

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Totally unrelated to the above topic: My mentees are wonderful people and I miss them.

Relationships...?

There's an international student today who told me that he still kept in touch with his ex-girlfriend. It seems that him and his ex-girlfriend still have quite a relationship.

Naturally, I started reflecting about my own experiences with women whom I was once intimately involved with. It's funny (but sad) that none of them keep in touch with me anymore. Of course, there are two of them whom I really don't wish to speak with anymore for the rest of my life, but I guess it would be nice if the other two still would still keep in contact with me.

But the reality within my life is that breakups seem to occur on very sour (and sometimes bitter) terms. I guess dating in the United States and dating in Asian countries would be very different. Yet, I feel that in many ways, our styles are quite similar, even though we may be culturally different. Either that, or it's just my luck that I had to end relationships on such notes. But sometimes, being nice only hurts both parties more.

Reflecting further on this subject, wouldn't one who keeps in constant contact with his/her former significant other be prolonging the pain that was there? Wouldn't it be wiser to move on? It seems like there are very few people who actually break up on a "good" note. The international student whom I spoke with today is one of those lucky people. What an interesting story. Even though I find his story interesting,feel that it's best to forget what was once a reality and focus on the future.

[Haha, it's funny that I should say that and yet be writing a blog like this...]

Time to reach for that bottle of Johnnie Walker...

Myriad of Thoughts

Now listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPA7UUdaqOU. The song's in Cantonese, though.

How should I begin this entry? It's so difficult to focus on one thing when there are a thousand things on one's mind.

Today started at 6:00AM because I was late for my 5:20AM appointment with a good friend of mine and hence was unable to vote. Election day was today and I did not exercise my rights as an American citizen. I should be ashamed.

Speaking of elections, I remember a year when this man named Chen Shui-Bian was running for office in the island of Taiwan. I found it hard to believe that a man with this type of character could possibly win the position of highest political leadership in Taiwan. It was supposed to be a close race that year, and Chen Shui-Bian, while riding in an open air vehicle waving to supporters, was allegedly shot. After a thorough investigation, it was found that Mr. Chen's suit jacket was not punctured; he had not even reacted when blood supposedly squirted from his body, and was taken to a hospital that was further away from the scene of the alleged incident. In other words, he could have been taken to a hospital that was closer, but for some reason, he was taken to another one.

Long story short, there have been people who were able to see right through this scheme of his to win public sympathy votes. The military was mobilized and the men in uniform could not vote. Mr. Chen won. Today, prosecutors claim that there is enough against him to convict him of corruption. In September, scenes from Taiwan looked like this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-uQnZkqxy0.

After viewing this video, I had a newfound sense of respect for the 23 million people of the island. Even though they managed to elect someone as incompetent as Mr. Chen, at least they now realize it and want him to step down. I mean, our American president, Mr. Bush, is quite incompetent and yet there have been few protests in the United States that are even close to the scale of the protests in Taipei. There's another interesting one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpKGHqN0BrM&mode=related&search=, it seems like he has an odd accent when he speaks Mandarin.

Enough about Mr. Chen and other corrupt political leaders; they're all going to hell for what they've done anyway.

So, I was assigned with a new mentee today at 3:30pm. I do not even have her file so I don't know where exactly she is from, although she is no stranger. I know that she is also from the island of Taiwan and hangs out with my mentees quite often. I am confident that she will be as nice to me as all my other mentees and welcome her to the team with open arms.

There was something that Ms. Yen, my supervisor and boss, brought up about my mentoring style today. She brought up the example of a mentee who I had last year: I helped her quite a bit throughout the year but as soon as the mentoring relationship was over in May, she left for her home country. I went to her home country to try and visit her but she did not seem interested in meeting me. Then, when she returned, I called her to see how she was doing, but no response was made. Every month, I would leave about two voicemails to her phone and would never get a call back. My boss said that this was like having children in the sense that when they get old and don't need you anymore, they will not contact you and you will feel hurt. She told me to be very careful not to over-commit and sacrifice myself. She warned me that I could be hurt again. She said that when one enters mentoring, one's heart is made of glass, but when one is done with being a mentor, one's heart will be made of steel.

I was rather sad when I heard this. It would be rather hurtful if this were repeated again, although I have faith that it will not. Even if it does, I would be numb to it by then and probably feel very little. Anyway, this possibility should not even warrant discussion. It is a non-issue. The five of them are all so nice and will never do such things.

I have noticed that my mentees continually feed me. I was at one mentee's place yesterday evening to help her with something and she made sure I was fed before I left. I was at another mentee's place today and could not resist the great food that was available. HAHA, I am going to be SO FAT soon.

There are so many things to prepare for. I think I'll have to stop writing this and start working.

First Post

There are reasons for me to start another weblog. Honestly, I have about four that are quite active already, but have decided to create another one because it seems that this host is popular with many international students, some of whom I am close with. I wish for them (all of them) to read and comment on this blog. This not only will be able to give me feedback but will also allow them to practice their reading comprehension and writing skills. As international students, I see that they seem to struggle with language and cultural barriers here in the United States.

Allow me to introduce myself. If you don't know this already, I am an international mentor for Project A.I.M. (Asian and International Mentoring), among other things. The official responsibilities that I hold on campus are as follows: President's Society Member, Member of Saint John's University's Asian Pacific Heritage Month Planning Committee, Vice President of Saint John's University's Chinese Cultural Association, Mentor and Student Coordinator at Saint John's University's Project A.I.M. (Asian and International Mentoring), Capstone Leader at Saint John's University's LEAD (Leadership Education and Development), Member of the Multicultural Advisory Committee, Secretary of the Asian Student Leader Roundtable Discussion and Student Worker at Saint John's University's Office of Business Affairs. I also study Mandarin Chinese on Saturdays in Chinatown and am the Supervisor for the New York Chinese School Patrol. I am an avid martial artist, specializing in Tibetan White Crane Kung Fu along with Tai Chi. This might seem like a long list, but in reality it is not. It might be surprising, but there are many students on campus who are able to do this many things and perhaps even more. I hope I do not sound boastful because I had no intention of doing so by listing them. I put it out there in order for you to better understand who I am and what I do.

The focus of this blog will be my experiences as an international student mentor. I find it quite amazing that students come from such a far away land to study in a place so unfamiliar. These students are brave, and this year, I have been blessed to be assigned with four international students to mentor. One is from Shanghai, another from Beijing, and two are from Taoyuan. Three are graduate students in the university's MBA program and one is an undergraduate freshman. All four are absolutely adorable and lovely people. They are friendly, polite, and most importantly, are open to learning new things. Many Americans would say "these people should be more like us," but I say to them: "we should be more like them!" America's seemingly arrogant and condescending attitude towards people of other cultures is definitely wrong. I, for one, have much to learn.

It's not that I have not studied hard to be able to understand them, of course. I have read extensively on the political and social structure of people from the far east, i.e., China, Japan, South Korea, Vietnam, etc. I have not come into mentoring empty headed. Many students who I have mentored have asked, "why do you do this?" Ms. Rosa Yen, my supervisor and boss, would reply to them and say: "Mentors do this because they have heart." I would not disagree, but I would add that it is also because of my background. When I was a child, I entered school without any knowledge of English whatsoever. My parents spoke to me only in Cantonese Chinese and knew that I would be able to pick English up quite quickly when I entered school. They were right, but I definitely struggled. When I was educated in Vancouver during first grade, I was placed in an ESL class. From that day forth, I knew that I had to do something to improve my English.

I studied quite hard and was usually one of the top students in the class when it came to English. It's quite ironic that an American Born Chinese with parents from Hong Kong was the most active in discussions during class when we were discussing texts in high school. Now in college, I have taken up an English minor to supplement my Business Management major just to make sure that my English is up to par with the other Americans'. Now, my goal is to excel beyond the average American when it comes to English and go to law school in order to pursue a Jurist Doctorate (J.D.) after my undergraduate studies.

Mentoring is definitely not easy, especially since the four students have unique needs (being student coordinator doesn't make life easier for me, either). I have tried the strategy of finding common interests and bringing the four of them together. I am so glad that they like each other and hang out even when I am not around. This is encouraging because if they did not like each other, I would have to try and spend time with them separately, which would require a significant investment of time on my part. I would never neglect them if they come up with individual needs, of course. I actually try to cater to their needs as much as possible without ignoring the guidelines of my job.

The other day, I heard that my mentees were doing quite well in school. I was so happy and proud! I am generally not an emotional person, but my heart swelled with pride as I acknowledged that my mentees are brilliant people and that perhaps, (just perhaps), my influence as mentor has helped a bit.

I love my mentees. =).